BARF AND VOMIT

That title really got you interested, didn't it? Unfortunately, I really AM going to talk about barf and vomit today. It has been a part of my life these last few weeks... well, I suppose years... and I feel the somewhat sadistic need to share my barf and vomit experiences with you all.

The experiences I've had of late don't really measure up to some I've had in the past. Many of you who know my good friend Jason Heide can ask him about the time that he came through for me and actually cleaned up some barf that was my responsibility; or there was the one time when I vomitted onto our kitchen floor after church one sunday and no one was there to help but one of my friends dad's who happened to be in the house at that precise moment when the liquid spattered all across the floor (and onto my shoes). I remember him dropping paper towel onto it and I was crying. But those are barf-times of the past. Now.. I deal in cat barf.

Yes, it's true, my friends. My cat, in order to SPITE me, barfs on my rug. Usually she does it on my entrance rug and I'm sorry if you have come over to my house and stepped there... I always make sure I clean it up very well. I really think she does it out of spite. She knows that as soon as I see it, I almost vomit myself. She knows that I HATE it. But, it's pay back for being away so much. At least, that's what I think. Now, I know some of you are very tempted right now to write me comments on how I can take better care of my cat... please don't tell me that. Lisa takes good care of her.. there is really NO reason for her to be VOMITTING on my ENTRANCE RUG except for that she is SPITING me. Really. I truly believe that.

The other kind of vomit that I really can't stand (okay, well, I can't really handle ANY kind of vomit) is BABY VOMIT. I know I know. All it is, is milk and formula regurgitating itself upon someone else's shoulder. It would be fine if the baby just "spilled" the milk or formula on the shoulder... it's when it actually spews out of that baby's mouth that I gag and have to turn away. My sister, Joanne, is well aware of this reaction of mine and she has done a marvelous job of making sure I don't usually have to deal with vomitty babies.. at least not hers... but, I can't just go around telling people "Well, I'd love to hold your baby, but if it vomits on me, I really can't be held responsible for what happens afterward." Luckily, I don't ever really want to hold babies so I can find a gracious way to decline and save everyone the hassle of cleaning up a lot of vomit.

Maybe that's why I like horses so much. It has been scientifically proven that horses cannot vomit. Thank goodness.