PROUD AND HUMBLED

Yesterday at the Connection the speaker focused on Matthew 23 (if you have never watched the Matthew videos, here is the excerpt:



I sat in the pew, once again paralyzed. I felt that my soul was being ripped open and God was showing me how I have been like these Pharisees... like a hypocrite. It was hard. It brought me to tears.

I know that I have been like this. I know that as a Christian in a christian environment with leadership roles it is hard to not be like the pharisees and teachers of the law. It is incredibly hard to be real and honest and to admit that I have failures; that I have sins in my life that are hard to get rid of. So instead, it is easier to pretend that I am more perfect. That my life is smooth and easy... that I don't struggle with sin - ever. Heaven forbid that I ever announce to anyone a struggle that I am presently in. Heaven forbid that I admit that I have weaknesses in specific areas that recurr time and time again.

Jesus, in this passage, has such pity and anger and frustration all rolled into this monologue. I wonder if he would repeat this same message to most of us North Americans: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." (www.biblegateway.com, Matthew 23:25-26 NIV). I fully admit to struggling with these two things: greed and self-indulgence. I fully admit to walking the walk, and talking the talk and excusing the rate at which "things" pile up in my home, or how I sometimes begrudge the 10% I am supposed to give to God.

I am also fully appreciating this journey God is taking me on. It feels good, in a way, to have God smack me over the head and say "Listen, you blind fool"

I recently had a conversation with a very good friend of mine about how difficult we as Christians find it to discuss sin. There are many people that I am very close with in whom I have never been allowed to see failure. I understand in my head that we are all human and we must make mistakes, but unless it is a public mistake, unless it is something that I can see and pick up on and ask about, it is not discussed. I wonder how us as the church has become this way. It is a society where we would rather see the clean and washed outside of the cup but we are afraid to look inside: we might be overstepping our boundaries, we might see something in there that we know is inside our cups, we might see something in there that makes us cringe or turn away...

So I say to this experience: Please God, show me again. Rip my heart and soul open so I can better understand who I am and who you made me to be.

I also say: Please God, allow me to be willing to see the filth in others and to know that I am no better. Allow me to understand that it is ONLY your sacrifice and love that allows the inside of everyone's cups to be clean.